The Pain of First Heartbreak

When most people think of asexuality, they think that we lack that need for companionship; that we, like any other human in this world still have a need for human interaction. Aromantic asexuals tend not to feel romantic attraction. Biromantic, homoromantic, panromantic, heteroromantic; we feel it like any other sexual person. The only difference between us is the sexual component of relationships.

Just recently I have experienced my first bout of heartbreak. And let me tell you, I used to think that people crying and downing a pint of Ben and Jerry’s just needed to get over it. Like, what about love is so important that it needs to be mourned like an actual human being? But, now I know.

Some people just become a part of you. I’m one of those people who doesn’t do anything halfway. The girl that I’ve been spending time with has become so much a part of my life that it genuinely hurts to realize that I am losing an integral part of my heart.

She’s moving away next month to go back home. I found out last night.

Now, you might say that this doesn’t mean the end of everything; but in a way it does. I’m a firm believer of proximity attraction. The closer that somebody is to you, the more you potentially have to feel for that person.

I felt so much for this girl that I’ve never felt for anybody else and it hurts to know that having her around me, feeling her touch and talking to her are soon going to be once in a great while things. Every time I’m around her I want to be better. A better person, a better friend.

I think that’s what makes up a relationship more than sex. It’s wanting the best for someone and trying to be your best self for that person as well. Making a healthy relationships where the boundaries are clear.

Heartbreak isn’t easy. For anyone. But I feel like because asexuals have their relationships invalidated so much of the time, it’s felt more acutely. Sexual people have almost the expectation to go through that period of mourning of loss of closeness, but when you’re asexual people think it’s just a friendship.

I have friends, thank you. This girl is more than just my friend. I would risk so much for her, especially considering the community in which I live.

So to those who have experienced heartbreak, I feel your pain.

#relationships #asexuality