Aromantic or something else???
- Jan 1, 2019
- 2 min read
So I’ve known for a long time that I was asexual. I had thought that I had first heard about asexuality a couple years ago in my psych class. Welp. I was wrong. I was looking back at some of my papers in college and found one for sociology. In 2013.
Want to guess what it said? Notes on asexuality! I couldn’t believe that I had heard of it so long before. I mean, I’ve known for a long time that I wasn’t straight, but I hadn’t been able to put a name to it until a couple years ago.
But right now I’m more trying to figure out my romantic orientation.
You see, I had always thought that I was aromantic because I hadn’t ever had anyone that I liked enough to be anything more than a friend. At least until this last semester at college. There was this girl that I really enjoyed being around and the crazy thing was, is that she’s gay. But I’m trying to figure out right now if it was just more a thing of proximity than actual liking.
That might be one of the problems with figuring out romantic orientation too, is that I always feel like I have to analyse it until sometimes there isn’t anything left. It's just different, you know? The fact that I've never felt this way before kind of scares me. And the fact that it's a girl that's the cause of this change is even scarier. I mean, I've thought about coming out to my family before, but that was when I thought that I was aro ace. I guess for some reason I thought that that would be easier for them to accept. But liking a girl? and maybe wanting to date one? Holy crap, just shoot me now because that would be a quicker death than whatever my family would do. They've already made their feelings explicitly clear. If I was to come out I could forget any kind of support or relationship.So for now I guess I'll stay in the closet.
The main thing I’m trying to figure out right now is whether or not I’m homoromantic, biromantic or what. Either way, maybe it’s a good thing. Some type of relationship is better than what I’ve had so far. Relationships are complicated, but I’m actually excited to start a new journey of self discovery.
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