I am more than just asexual...

So right now it’s late; my window is open and I’m listening to the sounds of thunder and rain and the sprinklers going off in the front yard. Most people might have one or the other, but my family is weird so…yeah.

Like I said in my last post, I’m trying to diverge a little from the strict asexual persona here. Like, I obviously know that it’s a part of me, but I feel like a lot of the time I define myself by it so strongly that I forget to remember that there is more to me than just my asexuality.

I am a person that has lived my life according to a set plan that hasn’t really varied much. I decided when I was eight years old that when I grew up I would go to law school and become a lawyer. I’m 23 now and working on my degree in psychology at a college that connects with a law school. I decided long ago that I was not going to get married, but that I would have kids. I know look into the world of AI as a future prospect for a family.

But I feel like sometimes I let myself get so wrapped up in what I want my life to be like that I overlook some obvious things. Primarily, my health problems. I have suffered from chronic migraines for most of my life. These come with or without stress. I can be having a totally chill day just watching a show, and I’ll be hit a migraine so severe that I’m throwing up and confined to darkness and quiet. Yet, I have chosen one of the highest stress, time-consuming jobs out there to go into.

Another obstacle I face is depression. It and its related buddies have been my companions for over ten years now. Even now, I sit in my room, clothes on the floor and the bed, pillows and blankets everywhere, shoes strewn about; and I can’t even decide if I want to go outside tomorrow let alone pick anything up.

My family are good Mormons. God can do all; if I put my faith in Him I don’t have to worry.

I’m not like that, unfortunately. Until recently I relied on my meds to help me, but then I moved and my insurance was canceled. So no meds. Which means that I toe the line again on some not good things. But I won’t get into those. At least not yet.

Anyways, I figured that I would just let some of me out. Like I said, I’m more than just asexual.

#mormonism #asexuality #mentalhealth