Stepping away from the ace topic...slightly

I know that the name of my blog leads all to believe that the main point of it is to talk about asexuality. Most importantly, my experiences in my life that comes about by being asexual. But, like any person of any sexual orientation will tell you, orientation is not all that there is to a person. A person who is gay is more than just the gender of the person that they are sleeping with. They could be a student. They could be a father, mother, daughter, son; they are people with lives, thoughts, beliefs.

So, like they are more that their orientation, I am more than mine.

I am a person of doubts and convictions. I have doubts as to where my religious life is headed. As a Mormon I was taught to believe in certain ways. But I am also a searcher for truth. I have looked to the great teachers of many religions, looking for truth. I believe that truth can be found almost everywhere you look. My asexuality tends to be a bit of a stumbling block when it comes to my involvement in the activities that many members of the Mormon Church participate in like temple, marriage, and all that. For me, being asexual means a lack of sexual interest. It’s not something that I want, so to force myself to marry someone who would expect that would be self-destructive. My other problem lies in the fact that even though I do not want to get married or have sex, children are still a future goal for me.

I decided, after much thought and research by the way, that the best way to go about it would be to do Artificial Insemination. Most people might say that adoption would be the easiest, but I have always wanted to have a child that shares my DNA, my mark on the world that would make its own mark in whatever way it chose. A few years after I had cemented this decision, I found out that it was against church policy, which qualified for grounds of excommunication. For many, I guess the “good Mormons” of the church would put the brakes on there and reverse. Not me. My plans are still the same come hell or high water.

I don’t really know what that makes me or where that will put me when the time comes, but I’ve accepted the possible outcomes and I feel that it is the right decision for me.

My convictions are intertwined with that. The people of the church always say to pray and you will be led to you answer. I’ve done that and I feel like I have. I believe that we as people can be propelled by more than determination and ambition. I am propelled by experience, by stubbornness. My drive to fulfil my dreams and aspirations comes from a bone deep desire to better myself.

So I am more than an aro ace. I am more than a Mormon. I am a dreamer. I am a believer in change and learning. And someday, I will be a mother.

#aromanticism #relationships #asexuality #mormonism