What is Salvation for This Ace?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about things. Mainly about my place in my religion. Being Mormon, you learn from an early age what is expected and what should be done. Every Sunday the Plan of Salvation is taught, and a part of that Plan is the “inevitable” possibility that marriage will come. Even in my own family, I had thought that my decision to not get married was accepted. But now, whenever they talk to other people, especially when someone else thinks that I should be getting married and I say that it’s just not a part of my future, they downplay it and say that for now I have other things to focus on.

For me, the fact that I don’t want to get married wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. It took a lot of time and effort to decide that everything that my family had planned for me just wasn’t going to work. It isn’t like one day I got up and said “I don’t want to get married.” I thought long and hard about it. I knew I wanted a child or two and still do. Not being married would make that difficult. But I also knew and know that being asexual would make that getting married to any allo unbearable. I’m just not willing to make that kind of concession.

I’m afraid that at some point my decisions regarding my life based on asexuality are going to put me on the outside. It’s already happened a bit in my own family. They have strong views on LGTBQIA+ issues.

My own are a lot more relaxed. Pronouns and all that, I don’t bother with. Sorry for any offense, but I’m a simple person and all that is super confusing. But really, if you don’t involve me in it, I have no problems. Except for the whole being married in the temple. Religion does have its say in that. But honestly, even heterosexual couples and relationships are nothing that I want to hear about either.

My mom especially is extremely vocal on all the point that the whole LGTBQIA+ community is wrong. And she doesn’t even realize that I’m a part of that. Every time she says things like that it hurts a bit inside. But to tell her would be familial suicide.

I guess I just have to settle with the fact that right now I don’t know where things will go. I know what I want right now. Whether or not that will all come together with my family and religion or not, I don’t know. I’m taking this a day at a time.

And who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find an ace guy that’s willing to do the whole marriage with no sex thing. A roommate kind of thing.

All I know it for I’m thinking on a lot.

#mormonism #asexuality #relationships